KNOWing

I went to bed at 9:30 last night with this thought:

Maybe I can catch up on some sleep before writing the biggest exam of my life on Wednesday

I woke up at 2:30 am with this thought:

I hate having to go pee in the middle of the night.

I went back to bed thinking this:

I still have 3 hrs before I want to get up I’m getting a great nights sleep!

I lay in bed for 2 hrs and finally got up at 4:30 – so much for catching up on sleep!

Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night or go to bed at night and try HARD to get to sleep to no avail?

There are very few things as frustrating.

This morning though I heard God through my frustrations.  The entire time that I was laying in bed I had the song that I shared in my last post running through my mind, specifically the first couple minutes:

Where you go I go
What you say I say
What you pray I pray

Where you go I go
What you say I say
What you pray I pray

Jesus only did, What he saw you do
He would only say, What he heard you speak
He would only move, When he felt you lead
Following your heart, Following your spirit

How could I expect to walk without you
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I would not begin to live without you
For you alone are worthy you are always good

And then the scripture of Jesus praying at the Mount of Olives came to mind:

³⁹ Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. ⁴⁰ On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” ⁴¹ He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, ⁴² “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” ⁴³ An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. ⁴⁴ And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.^[c]

⁴⁵ When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. ⁴⁶ “Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”
Luke 22:39-46

Would you believe me if I said this all happened and yet I thought absolutely nothing about it and continued to toss and turn in my frustration. Then finally I got it.

I often pray that God would speak to me, to be with me, I desire to go where He goes, to follow the example of Christ on Earth and yet when I am WIDE awake thinking about His words, and unable to fall asleep I’m clueless.

It was quite the slap in the face for me, it was as though God was saying:

Ashley,
You lie there awake asking “why?” yet when I answer your question you refuse to open your ears to my voice.  How do you expect to know me fully when you’ll only listen to me when it suits your time frame?

Get up and pray.

I’m so grateful for His grace because I can be so incredibly clueless sometimes.

In the hour of His greatest sorrow and struggle on Earth Jesus prayed, yet His disciples slept – clueless as to what was about to happen.  They had no idea that their world was about to be turned upside down, despite Jesus teaching them about it the entire time He was with them.  They just didn’t get it, and when I read about it I want to reach through the pages and shake them into understanding.

I’m sure that’s what God wants to do with me sometimes.

I don’t want to sleep through anything, I don’t want to be blind to what’s happening in the Kingdom around me.  I want to be awake, watchful, and prayerful, I want to KNOW Him.

When I truly KNOW Him I’ll be able to go where He goes, pray what He prays, and say what He says.

When I KNOW Him I’ll never hesitate when He speaks.

When I KNOW Him I won’t have any fear to do what He’s asking.

When I KNOW Him being woken in the middle of the night to pray won’t be an inconvenience.

When I KNOW Him…..

Lord give me eyes to see, ears to hear, and a voice that prays.  Continue to reveal yourself to me that I may KNOW you.

Do you know Him?

 

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