Christ Centered Nursing

Going back to the visions I have for Caritas, I’ve wrote my second installment on Christ centered nursing.  I’ll include the full list of visions/desires here just for a refresher.

Vision for teams:

• Discipleship
• Christ centered nursing
• Compassion
• Love
• Passion

Vision for Community

• Evangelism
• Partnership
• Empowerment
• Hope
• Love
• Health

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:1-11

As Christians we are called to be set apart, to be Holy:

I am the Lord who brought you up out of Egypt to be your God; therefore be holy, because I am holy

Leviticus 11:45

Literally to be holy is to be “set apart.” Our greatest example of this, of course, is Christ.  I love the way Paul writes it in Philippians – eloquent and beautiful – I wish I could understand the original Greek in it’s fullest to really appreciate it.  Even in English though, it gets me every time.

Who being in very nature God…

When I think of Christ centered nursing there’s a few things that come to mind.

• Embodiment of Christ
• Holiness
• Servanthood
• Humility

Each day that I work I try to pray,

Your will be done, Your Kingdom come. May I bring your Kingdom by embodying you to those I serve.  May my desires and needs come second so that humbly I may meet the needs of the needy.  May you be portrayed in every word, touch, action and thought – may healing come physically, mentally and spiritually. Anoint my hands to bring comfort, my words to bring peace and my mind to bring competent care.

Amen

Caritas will be a place where we will be focused on bringing Christ to those in need in the community where we serve.  This will overlap with evangelism as well as we proclaim his Gospel in deeds and actions.

Caring competently, selflessly, and humbly while being cognizant of the One who is the reason we live, breathe and move.

Being an ambassador of Christ through the medium of nursing – that is Christ centered nursing.

This is a mandate of Caritas.

When Helping Hurts: a Review

I recently finished reading a book called “When Helping Hurts” by Steve Corbett & Brian Fikkert.  Now, I’m a fiction reader, I LOVE fiction, non-fiction ALWAYS takes me 3-4 times as long to read because I just find it so tedious (unless it’s a true story/biography).  I’m not going to lie, this book took me  a very long time to read, being non-fiction I of course found it to be dry.  However there were some good things I gleaned from it. I’m going to talk about the book, but I could very well be taking their ideas and making them broad or general, I’m not going to quote anything from the book so maybe this is a really haphazard “review” but it’s my initial thoughts after reading it with not a lot of reflection.  Once I really start to get into missions and apply some of their principles I’ll probably have a lot more to say about it.

The book is about poverty alleviation, essentially it points out everything we’ve done wrong in missions and poverty alleviation and then outlines how we should be doing it.  I’m not entirely sure how I feel about every little fact and tid bit that they write about but generally I feel like they have hit the mark.  In fact most of what they write about in terms of HOW to do missions is exactly how I envision missions and exactly how I want to carry out my time in the mission field.  My inspiration comes from community nursing model, and is almost the exact same thing (minus the gospel message) as what they write about.  I’ll get more into that in a bit.

The first thing that was eye opening to me was their definition of poverty.  I guess it’s not entirely surprising, and maybe seems like it should be common knowledge, but it really helped to line up things in my own life and thinking.  They outlined two different world views, the idea of poverty in the eyes of the poor, and the idea of poverty in the eyes of the wealthy.  The contrast being that the wealthy usually see poverty as being a lack of material goods, while the poor see poverty in more psychological and social terms (i.e. shame, hopelessness, depression etc.).  Their actual definition of poverty is:

Poverty is the result of relationships that do not work, that are not just, that are not for life, that are not harmonious or enjoyable.  Poverty is the absence of shalom in all its meanings.

I really like this idea.  If you’ve followed my blog for a while you’ve probably read somewhere “We were created IN relationship FOR relationship” because I use that phrase a lot.  It’s the core of who I am, what I want to do with my life, and what I believe about church, world, and God.  So when they define poverty like this it strikes a chord and resonates in my soul.  I really love to build relationships, I love to be with people, to invest in people, to journey with people. The idea that by spending time, investing, and being patient I can have a part in alleviating poverty is really exciting for me.  It also makes us one with the “materially” poor because we ALL need relationship, and we ALL suffer from poverty in one form or another – maybe not materially but maybe emotionally etc. Another quote I liked:

Poverty is rooted in broken relationships, so the solution to poverty is rooted in the power of Jesus’ death and resurrection to put all things into right relationship again.

Praise the Lord that HE is THE redeemer!

So the authors say that instead of giving the materially poor money, food, THINGS, we should be investing in them personally.  Entering into relationship with them in order to see Jesus not only reconcile with them, but also with us.  As we are in relationship with each other we are alleviating each others poverty.

So if you are like me you may be wondering HOW by being in relationship with people we can alleviate their material poverty. Here’s how I see it (not sure if I got this right or not):

If we invest in the lives of people, become the embodiment of Jesus on Earth, then we draw people closer to the relationship with Jesus that they were meant to have.  The closer they come to being in a right relationship with Jesus the more they will desire to be who God has created them to be.  If they are being who God has created them to be then they will begin to become self sufficient.

They do distinguish between being in a crisis to being in a development stage – when in an immediate crisis it is appropriate to give materially help.  But if they are past the crisis then we should be assisting them to develop and empower them to be self sufficient – and that is done through investing in relationship with them not by giving them money or material possessions.

I really really love this way of doing missions.  When I was in nursing school taking community nursing – I didn’t necessarily enjoy the class but I LOVED theory model of community nursing because it was all about partnering with the community and finding their STRENGTHS and EMPOWERING them to use those strengths to better their community.  We didn’t go into a community, look at their weaknesses and then try to fix those because that is showing them that we know best.  In reality, we are coming into a community which is already established and they really do know best.  We were just there to journey with them and give them encouragement along the way, but the project was lead by the community.

I see this as what I want to accomplish in the community that Caritas goes into.  I want to journey with them, encourage them along the way and as I do that I expect that we will all come closer to the relationship with Christ we were meant to have, and that means that we will be empowered to be all God has created us to be.

One last quote from the book that I love:

Part of our striving is also to fall on our knees every day and pray, “Lord, be merciful to me and to my friend here, because we are both sinners.” And part of our striving means praying every day, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven, for without You we cannot fix our communities, our nations, and our world.”

ONE out of 54 – Africa has my heart

Alright,

So I’ve got another full day in the office, and I’m planning on doing a lot of writing.  So this is fair warning to you to be prepared for several posts in a row.  You could always skip around and read what you like as well!

I’m feeling REALLY good about the progress of Caritas.  I’m making strides in the development in terms of putting together my goals and purposes, and picking out where I feel like God is leading me geographically.  These have been some big hurdles for me as they are the necessary footwork before I can start fundraising and recruiting.  I can’t very well go to someone and say hey, I’m doing this “thing” that I feel is my “calling” wanna give me money? Sure maybe some of my friends who know my heart and passion would give a bit of money but no one would buy that.  They also wouldn’t want to join me with such a vague description.  SO in that way I feel like I’ve come a LONG way since December when this “brain child” emerged. BUT fundraising really is another issue in itself that will be my BIGGEST personal challenge – I’m working on it.

So let’s talk geography…

If it was entirely up to me I would split myself into 54 different pieces and spread myself out over the entire continent of Africa. I want to be everywhere, but I am only one so I had to really sit down and think about what my values and goals were for going to work in Africa, what I feel God calling me to, and then look at the broad needs of each country.  Here’s the list that I came up with and the statistics I looked at:

• My number 1 criteria was that the country had to be more than 40% unreached (see The Joshua Project for this info)

Then I looked at some health statistics using the WHO website:

• Percent of urbanization
• Access to improved water and sanitation
• Life expectancy at birth
• Newborns with low birth weight
• Underweight children
• Neonatal mortality
• Infant mortality
• Under 5 mortality
• Maternal mortality

Initially solely based on the country being unreached I came up with 12 countries all within North-West Africa.  Then when I looked at the health statistics I narrowed it down to eight countries.  Health wise four of the countries were doing alright comparatively speaking.  Then I took those eight and narrowed it further to five countries.  Then once again I narrowed it to three countries – Guinea-Bissau, Sierra-Leone and Niger. So this is where I am at currently.  If you want to check out the statistics click below for my chart.

Data

I’m very drawn towards Guinea-Bissau for a few reasons.  While I dated my ex (Carlos) who is from Guinea-Bissau I was immersed into his culture for 4 years and I loved every minute of it.  I know the people, I know both of the languages (to listen and understand but less in speaking), I know the food (and how to cook it), I know the superstitions and beliefs.  It seems to me to be the obvious choice.  There is obvious need in the country as it is one of the most unstable and poorest African countries, as well the health status of the country is poor.  Being as I am so close to the culture, have many friends who would help me to solidify my language skills, as well as coach me through traveling in Guinea-Bissau, I know that being in Guinea-Bissau would not be hard for me.  Generally speaking (I’ve never been to Africa so it could be different when there) when I travel I never have a hard time adapting to the culture of the country I am in.  I never get home sick for Canada and I always feel like I’m home when I’m traveling (that’s a definite blessing).  I think Africa would be the hardest adaptation to make in terms of culture shock, but Guinea-Bissau would be easy.

Having said all of this, I’m still really praying about it.  I don’t necessarily want to be “comfortable,” I don’t want to take the easy road for the sake of taking the easy road.  There is MASSIVE need in the entire continent of Africa, both physically and spiritually, and I can only choose ONE country.  So part of me hesitates in picking Guinea-Bissau but the other part wonders if God spent 4 years preparing me for just this.

So if you could pray for me, pray for these countries, and ask God to give me specific direction because my heart is torn in 54 different directions.

Discipleship

In preparation for promoting Caritas, and for clarity in my own mind and heart, I’ve been starting to put to words my heart in setting up this program.  There are two branches to the program: 1)Going in teams and 2)Rooting into a community. I have specific visions/desires for each branch and I’ve made a list of those.  I will start to blog about each vision/desire one at a time.  Today is my first installment. I pray that the Holy Spirit would challenge you through my own challenges.

Vision for teams:

• Discipleship
• Christ centered nursing
• Compassion
• Love
• Passion

Vision for Community

• Evangelism
• Partnership
• Empowerment
• Hope
• Love
• Health

Discipleship

We have been called to go and make disciples.  Matthew 28:16-20 says:

“Then Jesus came to them and said, ‘All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holey Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.’”

I’m interested in discipleship not only because it’s what I am called (as are you) but because my heart longs for relationship.  I’m a very relational person. I mean we are all relational – created from relationship (the Trinity) to be in relationship.  In the beginning God said it’s not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18).  So at the core of our being we are relational, we desire relationship because that’s what we have been created for.  I’ve written countless things about this, and I know I’ve repeated myself over and over, but I know that my heart desires to disciple because my heart desires to be in relationship.

I think discipleship is something that isn’t done quite as well as it should.  Discipleship calls for sacrifice, for selflessness, for commitment.  These are three things that my generation in particular isn’t good at.   The disciples of Jesus left everything, literally everything to follow him.

Imagine that you have a thriving oil business, you are making millions, and you are at the top of your game you feel like nothing could knock you down.  You have a million dollar house, a hundred thousand dollar car, you spend your weekends golfing and shopping, you can’t imagine how life could possibly get better.  Then one day you meet this guy and He shows you that life beyond what you have now is possible, that you’re possessions and your power are fleeting, they are temporary and not really useful.  He opens your eyes and your heart to an eternal life, one where possessions don’t matter, people matter, and people matter because they were created in the image of perfection for a specific purpose, time and place.  YOU matter because you were created for a specific purpose, time and place.  So he shows you this and then asks you to give everything you have and follow him.  COMMIT to HIM, SACRIFICE everything you have for HIM, become SELFLESS for HIM.  This is what Jesus disciples did for HIM.

If you are a Christian you have assumed the same as His disciples, because you are His disciple, but are you really a disciple?

I’m not saying you have to sell all your earthly possessions and go off to the bush to live a life of simplicity because everything is fleeting.

All I’m doing is asking if you have truly counted the cost of following Him?

There is a cost, what is it in your life?

I struggle with this EVERY SINGLE day of my life lately.

Have I counted the cost? Is the cost negotiable? Can I talk Him down to a price that I feel is doable? Is this life of commitment, sacrifice and selflessness worth it?

Jesus talks about this in Luke 14:26-34

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters – yes, even his own life – he cannot be my disciple. Any anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.  Suppose one of you wants to build a tower.  Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king.  Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand?  If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace.  In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.  Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.  He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”

It’s a high price to follow Christ and I fear that we do not portray that price adequately.  When someone comes to Christ do we read them this scripture? Do we warn them of what they are getting into?  Do we ask them to count the cost?

I really believe that God is rising up this generation to count the cost.  He is calling people to leave everything they have known and follow Him.  This might be on missions, at work, in their family, or sacrificing finances in order to support others.  He’s teaching this generation about the cost, and people are following.  We have a long way to go though, and part of my passion in doing medical missions in a team setting is to make disciples.  Disciples make disciples, so if I disciple two people, and those two people disciple two people and those four people each disciple two people then we have multiplied His disciples.  I can impact two people’s lives for the Kingdom and together our impact becomes huge and the ripple effect will continue.

Discipleship is mandatory in the Kingdom of God and I’m ready to go there.  I’m ready to see lives completely and utterly sacrificed to His calling in their lives.  I’m ready to walk beside them and support them, teach them and most importantly learn from them.

Introducing Caritas

Well I’ve promised a medical mission update, and I’m finally able to give you at least one! After a lot of prayer, reading, frustration I have finally picked a name for the program! It’s an exciting day! There’s something about putting a name to something that makes it more real.  Another step into the reality which my life is becoming.  Scary yet exciting!

I’m going to include my explanation of the name because most people don’t know what the word caritas means (I didn’t know before stumbling upon it).

I’ve been praying about a name for the medical mission program for a few months and nothing seemed to fit.  Finally I sat down and made a list of what I wanted the name to represent, I came up with this:

• It must line up with my own philosophy in nursing.
• It must convey Biblical principles.
• It must be able to be universal (not geographically specific).
• It must be (somewhat) original.

So from this list I started trying to pinpoint my nursing philosophy, putting into words why I am a nurse and what I want my practice to represent.  To gain insight I began reading different nursing theories.  I came across Katie Eriksson’s Theory of Caritative Caring and instantly knew that this is what I wanted my practice to model as well as this program.

In terms of Biblical principles I want this program to be rooted in God’s heart for His people.  I want to portray that love through relationship and caring for the downtrodden.  I want the orphans, widows and poor to know God’s love, to embrace Him and enter the Kingdom.

The word caritas is Latin for charity, but the origin of the word comes from the Greek agape.  The Britannica Encyclopedia provides the following explanation of charity:

the highest form of love, signifying the reciprocal love between God and man that is made manifest in unselfish love of one’s fellow men. St. Paul’s classical description of charity is found in the New Testament (I Cor. 13). In Christian theology and ethics, charity (a translation of the Greek word agapē, also meaning “love”) is most eloquently shown in the life, teachings, and death of Jesus Christ. St. Augustine summarized much of Christian thought about charity when he wrote: “Charity is a virtue which, when our affections are perfectly ordered, unites us to God, for by it we love him.”

Eriksson’s theory lays out assumptions that I have made and which I base my nursing practice on. I really like Katie Eriksson’s theory  because it resonates with everything inside of me. The following are the axioms (fundamental truths in relation to the conception of the world) of her theory:

• The human being is fundamentally an entity of body, soul, and spirit.
• The human being is fundamentally a religious being.
• The human being is fundamentally holy. Human dignity means accepting the human obligation of serving with love, of existing for the sake of others.
• Communion is the basis for all humanity.  Human beings are fundamentally interrelated to an abstract and/or concrete other in a communion.
• Caring is something human by nature, a call to serve in love.
• Suffering is an inseparable part of life.  Suffering and health are each others prerequisites.
• Health is more than the absence of illness.  Health implies wholeness and holiness.
• The human being lives in a reality which is characterized by mystery, infinity, and eternity.

And these are Eriksson’s theses (fundamental statements concerning the general nature of caring science):

• Ethos confers the ultimate meaning on the caring context.
• The basic motive of caring is the caritas motive.
• The basic category of caring is suffering.
• Caring communion forms the context of meaning of caring and derives its origin from the ethos of love, responsibility, and sacrifice, namely caritative ethics.
• Health means a movement in becoming, being and doing, striving for wholeness and holiness, which is compatible with endurable suffering.
• Caring implies alleviation of suffering in charity, love, faith, and hope.  Natural basic caring is expressed through ending, playing, and learning in a sustained caring relationship, which is asymmetrical by nature.

After reading all about caritas and Eriksson’s theory is was really clear to me what I should name this program.

So I would like to introduce you to:

Carits (Medical Missions)

There’s so much ground to go but I’m trudging through to get to the goal!

Random Update

I thought that I would do a bit of writing today on my designated “office day” – they are few and far between lately and honestly between working, sleeping, and the occasional coffee date I barely have time to check Facebook (shocking!).

The last month or so has been pretty exciting for me in terms of making head-way in my Africa plans and really putting down on paper my heart and vision.  I find that the more I talk about it the more clarity comes – this has always been a truth in my life.  I love to sit and talk about my passions and bounce ideas off of people, get new fresh perspective.

I am now in the process of narrowing down the country that I want to plant into.  I’m of course praying about it but I’m also using some strategy.  This will be an entire post on it’s own in the very near future so stay tuned.

I’ve had so many discussions about Africa lately and I’m overwhelmed by the support that I am receiving from friends and strangers alike.  I’m beginning to REALLY believe that this will happen.  It’s been fairly abstract in my mind, a HUGE dream from a very MEAGER dreamer.  It’s hard for people to understand a dream that’s your own, for them to get behind it and support if you don’t put to words what your dream is.  It’s so personal that it’s scary to put it out there, to talk about it, to put your passion behind it.  This has been my struggle as of lately.  I’m blessed to have friends who support me 110% and who urge me forward, who encourage, bless, and pray for me.

Balance has been a huge theme in my life lately as well.  In this new position of being an RN and working for a living instead of going to school, I really need to focus on balancing my life, and that first starts in my spiritual life – everything else builds on that.   I have so many long and short term goals that I’m working towards that I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by how fast my life is moving.  It’s already May, and I feel like I’ve made no headway in the balance department.  I’m thankful that I’m not looking to “arrive” anywhere, that God is in control and that I will always be making progress.

This post is really all over the place, I didn’t have a specific theme in mind other than to just update those who care.  I’ll have some more focused posts coming in the near future.

Thanks for praying for me and supporting me in something that seems beyond my grasp.

KONY 2012

Last night my Twitter feed blew up with Kony 2012.  Multiple users have been tweeting, and retweeting to influential people in an attempt to get them to join the cause.

Mayor Nenshi of Calgary responded by saying:

I actually love when people, especially young people, get excited about a cause. But, folks explain it. Talk about why it matters to you.

This is my response to Mayor Nenshi because I agree with what he’s saying.

7 yrs. ago I sat in the lounge at FGBC (Now Eston College) with one of my closest friends Greg.  I showed him a website and trailer that I had come across that had instantly gained my attention and my heart.

It’s no secret that I am passionate about Africa, and it’s also not a secret that I adore children, so when I learned that in Uganda there was a rebel army (self) named The Lords Resistance Army (LRA) who kidnapped children in the middle of the night and then forced them to become violent criminals everything inside of me cried out.

When I first learned about the LRA it was through an (then new) organization called Invisible Children, started by young people who had literally stumbled upon this incredibly tragic situation, who were compelled to stop at nothing to bring awareness to this and also to bring an end to it.

I was obsessed with Invisible Children for months, daily visiting their website, e-mailing them trying to get them to bring their movie tour to Canada, desperate to do anything I could to help the cause.

Invisible Children has now come out with Kony 2012, in an attempt to make Joseph Kony visible to the world, to make him famous, to force the world to pay attention and do something.

Watch this

Why am I so moved by this?

I actually think that’s a ridiculous question, but maybe some people will ask.

I’ll tell you why,

• Because for as long as I have been on this Earth Joseph Kony has been abducting children, using them as soldiers and sex slaves to fight against absolutely nothing.
• Because the world has continually (up until 2011 when Obama pledged the USA’s help) turned a blind eye to these children and their families.
• Because in Canada and the USA (and multiple other western countries) people are jailed for years for sexual abuse, kidnapping, and murder, yet Joseph Kony has committed all of these crimes (and more) THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS of times.
• Because under no circumstances does ANYONE have the right to steal a child’s innocence in ANY country.
• Because as a victim of childhood sexual abuse I know what it means to fight against the odds, and that is just a FRACTION of what odds these children have to fight against.

These are just a few of the many reasons you also should be outraged and compelled to join this movement.  In the grand scheme of life this commitment is very little, yet absolutely life changing for thousands of people.

I cannot think of any reason why you wouldn’t.

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8

Control

Let me just say right now, that I kinda hate that most of my reflection and inspiration to write comes late at night, I’d love to get to sleep at a descent hour.  Although I’ve given up on having a regular sleep schedule since doing shift work will be my norm.

I’ve been having what I think will be the closest I will ever get to a panic attack.  It’s not really even close to a real panic attack but it’s definitely a feeling of unease, unrest, and a lack of confidence.

This project that I’m entering into is so incredibly, infinitely huge.

It’s beyond my capacity to even look ahead and see the enormity of possibilities.

I’m committing 10 hrs a week right now strictly for research purposes, but I’m gonna need a lot more than that. I barely know where to start let alone where I want to ultimately end up.  I’m overwhelmed at what’s ahead of me, yet excited for what’s yet to be explored.  All of these feelings have led to me trying to grasp at control…. silly me! You’d think I’d have learned by now that that is a foolish notion, being in control.

Beyond just looking at the tasks at hand, looking financially into my future creates a lot of anxiety as well.  I can’t see how it all fits together nicely in a little box I like to call my life.

My extreme type A (more extreme than you might think you know) wants everything worked out before I get there, more than that I want to know the intricate little details of how it will be worked out.  I want to know each night when I go to bed my every step that I will take the next day.  Most of the time I have my day planned out to the minute and second, it’s my attempt at being in control.  Often it will come to a crash at least once a month, and then I start it all over again.

I am beginning to really recognize the pattern of when I start to (unconsciously) feel out of control.   It starts with a decrease in motivation to do tasks I generally like to do like cooking and cleaning, and then it escalates to eating crap and not going to the gym, then I can barely get out of bed in the morning, and when I go to sleep at night I already know I want to sleep for ages.  Then I have a day where I snap out of it, I start to jot notes and lists in my agenda, I clean everything from top to bottom, I make everything look perfect and start all over again.

After typing that paragraph I’m very tempted to erase it because it shows how pathetically I desire control.

God is challenging my every action and thought.

What I’m really trying to get at is that this Africa project is so huge that it is WAY beyond what I could ever control and that makes part of me want to forget it.  I feel like because I don’t have complete control that it’s going to all come crashing down around me.  And here’s the thing, the more I try to control it the more I recognize that it probably will come crashing down around me.

I have to remind myself daily that this life, all of this life, it’s not about me.  I’m here for bigger things than myself, it’s not my will that needs to be done but His.  I’m not sure (nor do I think I will ever really be sure) of why He’s chosen me to undertake something of this magnitude.  I am definitely absolutely undeserving of it, and alone I am completely incapable of such a thing.

There’s beauty in that:

I am definitely absolutely undeserving of it, and alone I am completely incapable of such a thing.

There’s a large sense of humility that comes with knowing that Christ died that I may live and do the work of His (my) Father.  That my life (and yours) connects intricately to the body of Christ.  Along with humility comes a huge sense of responsibility to get it right, to trust Him to lead me and trust myself to follow His lead even in the littlest details.

I wonder if this is just a fraction of what Moses felt when God called Him.  I often go back to the verse in Exodus 33:

¹² Moses said to the LORD, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ ¹³If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”

¹⁴ The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

¹⁵ Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. ¹⁶ How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”

¹⁷ And the LORD said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”

¹⁸ Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.”

¹⁹ And the LORD said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. ²⁰ But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”

²¹ Then the LORD said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. ²² When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. ²³ Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”

When I read that I imagine that Moses was overwhelmed with what God had asked him to undertake, and when he’s speaking with God he seems to be needing a sense of control.  He even demands God show him His glory!

I resonate with Moses’ need for control, yet I too desire to know that God will go with me.  That He will lead me, that He will be my cloud by day and fire by night, that I will clearly know that my actions are His desire.  I would love to have that face to face conversation with Him, to see His glory.

Trust.

I’m trusting and will continue to force myself to trust, to relinquish control.

I lean on His promise:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Pray for me friends, as I pray for you that you would know how deep and how wide and how long is His love for you.  That His plans for you would be clear, that you’re calling would be clearly laid out, that you would trust and relinquish control.

Someone once told me that God thinks about all the details, even the smallest of small details and tonight I’m believing that for myself and praying that you would believe it for your life as well.

Imagine what could be accomplished if that one little road block of control were to be torn down?

A Realization of Love

Tonight I had to go play floor hockey in another quadrant of the city, the weather was crap and therefore the drivers on the roads were crap, so I decided to leave really early and go to Starbucks to do some research.  When I pulled up to Starbucks I noticed a man looking disheveled and cold approaching a lady going to her car.  When I got out of my car the man followed the lady to the car and the lady was digging through her car, I’m assuming looking for change.  My thoughts as I ran from my car to the Starbucks were:

Please don’t make eye contact with me.

Then I went inside not thinking much of anything, ordered my coffee and sat down to read.  I was reading from a package that a friend from England sent me to help me with thinking about the practicalities of choosing to practice medicine (in this case nursing) in a foreign country. This is part of what I read:

So called “diseases of affluence” (for example obesity-related chronic disease) are often associated with the highly industrialized and richer countries, whilst “diseases of poverty” (for example infectious waterborne diseases) are associated with low-income and resource poor countries.  However, you do not have to go far to find deprivation and observe the impact on health. Take for example the London Borough of Camden where a man’s life expectancy can decrease by 10 years within a two kilometer radius.  In addition, the prevalence of tuberculosis – a disease of poverty – is rising in London.  Evidently inequalities in health do not only exist between countries but also within countries, regions and communities.

Then I went directly to floor hockey (and we WON!)

On the way home from hockey I got this image of me buying that homeless man a coffee and sitting down to talk about life, I could almost hear the conversation.  It was a strange sensation but an eye opening realization.

I started thinking about my life right now, as I work and prepare for Africa.

How many countless times have I cared for homeless people in the hospital? I would have never known had it not been in their charts.  Take away their clothing, their environment, and give them a hospital room with a hospital gown and your (read: my) pre(mis)conceptions disappear.  If that man had been in the hospital I would have made eye contact, introduced myself, asked how he was (and actually cared) and I would then have a 5 minute, normal conversation with him while assessing him at the same time.  It would have been completely normal and completely human.  Yet as I got out my car I wanted to avoid this man.

I’m preparing to go do ministry in a third world country to serve the poor and down trodden, to bring healing and yet I cringe at the thought of doing ministry in Canada’s own “third world.”

Matthew 25:37-40

“Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’

Wow…

Honestly, I’m blown away at my ignorance.  I know I am called to Africa, but I also know that I was made for the Kingdom, I am here to serve The King, to be part of the body.  Today I got a glimpse of what ministry could be like, here in Canada, to the down trodden and poor, to our own third world country in our back yards.  That glimpse can be summed up in,

LOVE

Matthew 22:34-40

When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: “Teacher, which command in God’s Law is the most important?”

Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

The Kingdom relies on love, EVERYTHING rests on love.

I want to love, to reach out to the marginalized, to sit down with a cup of coffee and have a conversation about life, God, and love.  I’m going to do this, if you want to join me give me a call, I’m absolutely serious.

It’s not an over spiritualised idealistic goal, it’s a God inspired reaction to the pain of this world. I don’t assume that I’ll be able to change the world, or the homeless population in Calgary, but I do assume that love can be the change in a person.  It has more power than we will ever be able summarize or portray.

 

EXCITING News!

I’ve been waiting for the day I could blog this for a VERY long time, years actually, but the specifics of this have only just began to come into the light.  As long as I’ve been waiting to write this I’m also hesitant to write it at the same time.  Remember THIS blog I wrote? And remember in that post that I wrote:

I’m a dreamer, I love to dream about what could be.  Rarely, though, do I TRULY believe that my dreams will come to fruition.  Sometimes I don’t even mention my dreams for fear that someone will ask me the logistics, at which I might say, “I’m not sure, but I’m sure God will make it happen.”  If I say those words I better mean them, and I’m a coward, so I keep them to myself.  The reality is if I commit to a dream and share it to the world I need to be moving towards it.  A dream isn’t merely something to occupy your imagination and emotions, it’s meant to move you to a place you’re meant to be.  This requires work, determination, faith, passion, and perseverance.

Even though I’ve shared what I’m going to write with several people, there’s something about writing it in the blog for the world to read that really puts me on edge.  Now, remember THIS post when I said I had something really exciting to share? Well the day has come that I can share it with you! I’m ready to commit it to the world.

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, or if you’ve taken the time to read through some of my posts you’ll know a few things about me, if you’re new here let me tell you:

1. I love Christ and His Gospel
2. I love people
3. I love medicine and nursing
4. I have a passion for Africa

So what’s the idea that I suddenly got in the shower that has gone beyond my wildest dreams?

I am in the (very very early) process of developing a medical missions program that will be aimed at rising up a generation that is confidently, competently and passionately equipped to practice nursing and medicine in Africa while proclaiming the Gospel.  The uniqueness comes from the participants who will be nursing/med students as well as lay people who are contemplating a life in medical missions.  I’m partnering with Apostolic Youth Ministries International (AYMI) to make this happen.  I can tell you that never in my wildest dreams when I imagined my life in medical missions did I think I would be developing any type of program especially right out of University.

When the idea came to mind I instantly dismissed it as impossible, but as the day went on I could not get it out of my head.  So I hesitantly went to the AYMI office and talked to the Director, semi-hoping he would give me a reason to put it on the shelf, cause let’s be honest, this is GINORMOUS.  It’s beyond what I feel capable of, beyond what I feel I am worthy of undertaking.  That was the middle of December and it is officially on the way to becoming tangible.

The goal is to have it up and running by April/May 2013.

In the time between now and then I will be working on all of the “behind the scenes” logistics including:

• Finding a location
• Researching and learning about tropical medicine – this hopefully will include moving to London, England for 19 weeks to obtain a diploma
• Fundraising
• Networking
• Promoting.

Basically I will be working on all the logistical details needed in order to make this happen.  At the moment I’m sure my list is missing about a million things.

What I am absolutely positive of is this:

I was born and called for such a time as this, and my will is to follow the will of God, which I believe includes embarking on this journey.  I’m trusting and believing that God will line-up everything that needs to be done and provide what needs to be provided.  I am following His footsteps wherever they lead, and my dreams are coming true.  Although God is lining things up, there is still A LOT of work that needs to be done.  I will be updating via blog routinely to keep people in the loop and to ask for specific prayer requests. All posts will be found if you click on the tab “Africa” at the top of the page.  I would greatly appreciate you joining me in praying for this endeavor.

Specifically right now please pray:

• That my application to the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine would be met with favor and that they would allow me to study in September.
• That my research would go smoothly and I would be able to find the resources needed.
• That God would bring people into my life and on my path who can assist me in the details including finding a location and village willing to participate.
• For me: that I would be able to balance life in the midst of everything going on around me.

This is SO EXCITING! And I’m excited to have you all along on the journey with me, near and far!  I’ll give you more details little by little as they come along and more specifics as I know them.